Dawn.

Today is a beautiful day. Dawn is beautiful. When dawn is beautiful, I fell sad because my granfather died on a beautiful dawn. Perhaps dawn remind me of him.

To my grandfather,

I will always love you no matter where you are, even that you are not coming back.

laundry

F***ing hell, did i jus see James Duncan at "Laundry" today, seated somewhere behind our table? Or am i jus hallucinating here. Well, I don't give a damn. Jus pass me my drink.

ctrl + z

There's a piece of memory which i hope i can delete. If only ctrl z work on me. I am so lost with these memories, feeling all alone... and yet I'm glad to have them. Everytime I thought I'd let go, it just came flashing back and I'll feel abandoned. I am surrounded by a sea of people but yet I feel so alone, nobody knows me and I have noone to turn to.

During my darkest hour. something in august. When I received a phone call. Knowing that I might lose 2 of my family members, one being the closest to me. I had noone to turn. I prayed that they won't abandon me like he had.

If only ctrl z is at the palm of my hand, at the convenience of a click...

Footprint

*One night a man had a dream.

He dreamed he was walking across the beach with the Lord. Across the sky flashed scenes from his life. For each scene he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand, one belonging to him, and the other to the Lord.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of his life there was only one set of footprints. he also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in his life.

This really bothered him and he questioned the Lord about it. "Lord, You said that once I decided to follow You, You'd walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life, there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why, when I needed You the most You would leave me.

The Lord replied, "My son, my precious child, I love you and would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you."

A friend told me a story.

She lost someone who meant a lot to her when she was young. And every good friend whom she made would leave her gradually to other places.

She found out over the week that someone whom she loves is sick. She cried while she was saying this, "My heart is broken." People whom she really love and care for, suffer. It's like a flashback of what happened before.

The hardest thing is not able to protect those you love. All you can offer are meaningless words of comfort, " Everything's going to be alright." Will it? They are going to leave you, things are not going to be alright.

"God you promise to carry me through, never to abunden me. Where are you?"

I understand.

I miss him terribly when I was reading the lyric. I'm lucky to have someone who loves me so dearly. My biggest regret is I was not there when he left and that I never told him how much I love him.

*Miniature of Mr. Rain. Done by Xiewtang 2006.



Listen to the song.
Al Myon Seo {the song} {the lyrics}
Igsugchi Anhaso {the song} {the lyrics}

I hope it will be as meaningful as it is to me.

In year 2003, I wrote:
Love ones left behind memories, be it happy or sad, points in time which time itself cannot erase, they remain as hard as gems. Time passes slowly while you're searching for those memories. He used to hold my hand and take me for a walk. It might never happen again for noone will love me as much as he did.

He did absolutely everything, so that I'll be happy.

"I'm sorry to let you down, I'll never give up again. Are you living a joyous life yourself? I hope you are. I'm sure you're hoping the same for me. You might not hear this but I want you to know that I love you, and because of this, you will not have to worry bout me..."

Love is...

Perhaps love is choices...
We choose to believe in the person we love.
We choose to see the better side of everything.
We choose only to share the best, and forget the rest.
We choose because of love.
When we stop choosing, we'll uncover more of the truth...
When love is less about the truth but what we want to believe, love is denial...

Smile :)

The child in me keeps me smiling each day. I do not know who I will become without her.